[acb-hsp] FW: MountainWings:Tuesday - The Top Ten Myths of Divorce
Baracco, Andrew W
Andrew.Baracco at va.gov
Tue Dec 20 11:12:01 EST 2011
What do you think of this one?
From: MountainWings [mailto:wings at mountainwings.com]
Sent: Monday, December 19, 2011 9:10 PM
To: Andy Baracco
Subject: MountainWings:Tuesday - The Top Ten Myths of Divorce
MountainWings A MountainWings Moment
#11354 Wings Over The Mountains of Life
If you are wondering why I'm sending this issue now, read this
The Top Ten Myths of Divorce
1- Half of all marriages end in divorce.
That may have been the case several decades ago, but the
divorce rate has been dropping since the early 1980s. If
today's divorce rate continues unchanged into the future, the
chances that a marriage contracted this year will end in
divorce before one partner dies has been estimated to be
between 40 and 45 percent.
2- Because people learn from their bad experiences, second
marriages tend to be more successful than first marriages.
Although many people who divorce have successful subsequent
marriages, the divorce rate of remarriages is in fact higher
than that of first marriages.
3- Living together before marriage is a good way to reduce the
chances of eventually divorcing.
Many studies have found that those who live together before
marriage have a considerably higher chance of eventually
divorcing. The reasons for this are not well understood. In
part, the type of people who are willing to cohabit may also
be those who are more willing to divorce. There is some
evidence that the act of cohabitation itself generates
attitudes in people that are more conducive to divorce, for
example the attitude that relationships are temporary and
easily can be ended.
4- Divorce may cause problems for many of the children who are
affected by it, but by and large these problems are not long
lasting and the children recover relatively quickly.
Divorce increases the risk of interpersonal problems in
children. There is evidence, both from small qualitative
studies and from large-scale, long-term empirical studies,
that many of these problems are long lasting. In fact, they
may even become worse in adulthood.
5- Having a child together will help a couple to improve their
marital satisfaction and prevent a divorce.
Many studies have shown that the most stressful time in a
marriage is after the first child is born. Couples who have a
child together have a slightly decreased risk of divorce
compared to couples without children, but the decreased risk
is far less than it used to be when parents with marital
problems were more likely to stay together "for the sake of the
6- Following divorce, the woman's standard of living plummets
by seventy-three percent while that of the man's improves by
forty- two percent.
This dramatic inequity, one of the most widely publicized
statistics from the social sciences, was later found to be
based on a faulty calculation. A reanalysis of the data
determined that the woman's loss was twenty seven percent
while the man's gain was ten percent. Irrespective of the
magnitude of the differences, the gender gap is real and seems
not to have narrowed much in recent decades.
7- When parents don't get along, children are better off if
their parents divorce than if they stay together.
A recent large-scale, long-term study suggests otherwise.
While it found that parents' marital unhappiness and discord
have a broad negative impact on virtually every dimension of
their children's well-being, so does the fact of going through
a divorce. In examining the negative impacts on children more
closely, the study discovered that it was only the children in
very high conflict homes who benefited from the conflict
removal that divorce may bring. In lower-conflict marriages
that end in divorce-and the study found that perhaps as many
as two thirds of the divorces were of this type-the situation
of the children was made much worse following a divorce. Based
on the findings of this study, therefore, except in the
minority of high- conflict marriages it is better for the
children if their parents stay together and work out their
problems than if they divorce.
8- Because they are more cautious in entering marital
relationships and also have a strong determination to avoid
the possibility of divorce, children who grow up in a home
broken by divorce tend to have as much success in their own
marriages as those from intact homes.
Marriages of the children of divorce actually have a much
higher rate of divorce than the marriages of children from
intact families. A major reason for this, according to a
recent study, is that children learn about marital commitment
or permanence by observing their parents. In the children of
divorce, the sense of commitment to a lifelong marriage has
9- Following divorce, the children involved are better off in
stepfamilies than in single-parent families.
The evidence suggests that stepfamilies are no improvement
over single-parent families, even though typically income
levels are higher and there is a father figure in the home.
Stepfamilies tend to have their own set of problems, including
interpersonal conflicts with new parent figures and a very
high risk of family breakup.
10- Being very unhappy at certain points in a marriage is a
good sign that the marriage will eventually end in divorce.
All marriages have their ups and downs. Recent research using
a large national sample found that eighty six percent of
people who were unhappily married in the late 1980s, and
stayed with the marriage, indicated when interviewed five
years later that they were happier. Indeed, three fifths of
the formerly unhappily married couples rated their marriages
as either "very happy" or "quite happy."
It is usually men who initiate divorce proceedings
Two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by women. One recent
study found that many of the reasons for this have to do with
the nature of our divorce laws. For example, in most states
women have a good chance of receiving custody of their children.
Because women more strongly want to keep their children with
them, in states where there is a presumption of shared custody
with the husband the percentage of women who initiate divorces
is much lower. Also, the higher rate of women initiators is
probably due to the fact that men are more likely to be "badly
behaved." Husbands, for example, are more likely than wives to
have problems with drinking, drug abuse, and infidelity
~from the National Marriage Project's Ten Things to Know
Thank you for inviting MountainWings into your mailbox.
Change a life, give a friend MountainWings.
See you tomorrow.
Forward this issue to a friend or click the Share Link below
to Print, Share by Email, Facebook, Blog or many other services:
www.MountainWings.com "Wings Over The Mountains of Life"
To: Subscribe, Un-Subscribe, Get a Book, T-Shirt, Rate Issues,
Tell Friends about MountainWings, Read Past Issues, Donations,
Submit a MountainWings Moment or Prayer Request, Set homepage
to Daily issue in larger type Go To:
http://www.mountainwings.com Click to unsubscribe:
MountainWings, POBox 43725, 120 Selig Dr., Atlanta, GA 30336
USA You are subscribed as: wq6r at socal.rr.com
More information about the acb-hsp