[acb-hsp] FW: Denise Bissonnette's True Livelihood Newsletter from Diversity World
Baracco, Andrew W
Andrew.Baracco at va.gov
Wed Feb 9 17:56:19 GMT 2011
Below is one of the most moving and thought provoking pieces that I have come across in a very long time. I hope that you find it nearly as meaningful as I do.
Andy
From: Diversity World [mailto:info at diversityworld.com]
Sent: Wednesday, February 09, 2011 9:03 AM
To: Baracco, Andrew W
Subject: Denise Bissonnette's True Livelihood Newsletter from Diversity World
<http://m1e.net/c?116499039-8DEHe0kjLk2kU%406166968-vZ9PJSzm.B/HI>
This newsletter is intended to support the work of people who are engaged in developing the careers, vocations, livelihoods, jobs and/or work of other individuals. It is our belief that everyone's work life can and should be molded and crafted to be the expression of our finest gifts and a source of great joy. Towards this end, we hope that the content of these newsletters will support you with both practical tools and inspirational ideas.
Hello Andrew.
Welcome to our January/February 2011 edition!
Please pass this on to interested friends and colleagues!
<http://m1e.net/c?116499039-0dceFdnJuuNlc%406166969-vym16j6Stgn3Y>
Your Life Is Your Message:
By Design or By Default
Dear Friends and Colleagues,
I find that I am approaching this article with a palpable sense of urgency, as if I cannot type quickly enough. As if I must harness and tame my thoughts as one would a herd of wild stallions lest they fly wing-hoofed through my brain to parts unknown. Perhaps it is having stepped over the threshold of a new year, the clean slate of possibility shimmering before us that has heightened my sensibilities. Or the recent loss of a dear friend who died unexpectedly at far too young an age. Maybe it's the fact that the underlying message of this article is "Do not tarry. Do not wait a single moment to say what must be said or to live what must be lived." Regardless, I am being carried on the strong and stubborn winds of a message that would write itself across the skies if it could - "By design or by default, your life is your message!"
I came upon the words "My life is my message" years ago upon my first reading of the biography of Mahatma Gandhi. I recall being struck by the profound and simple beauty of such an intention - to live his life as a testament to the message he was here to share with the world. What occurred to me recently, however, is the notion that perhaps this was not just a declaration of Gandhi's intent, but rather a proclamation of a truth that we all share as human beings. How we live our lives is the fundamental medium for expressing our truth, declaring our values and priorities, demonstrating both our character and our contradictions, and, ultimately, imparting our message to the world. By default or by design, this is as true for each of us as it was for Gandhi.
The more conscious we become of how we live, the better are our chances of sending a message of our own choosing. To that end, I humbly offer the following thoughts and questions for self-reflection. For some, this will serve as affirmation and reinforcement for the life you are proud to be living. For others this will serve as an invitation or provide inspiration to tweak, edit, strengthen or transform your message to the world as you hit the daily SEND button. One of the more generous and forgiving aspects of life is that we are always a work in progress, not limited by a set script. Life is performance art, open to variation, interpretation and improvisation. We can be moving in one direction, and make a U-turn in the next. Taking to heart the words of George Eliot, "It is never too late to be the person you might have been," - I would add an important addendum - "as long as you are still alive." Let us not waste a single moment to use the powerful medium of our lives to express to the world that which each of us is uniquely qualified and particularly inspired to express!
Ten Questions for Self-Reflection
1. To what extent are you conscious of the part(s) you are playing in life?
By the mere fact of our existence, we are part of the great drama playing out in the world. No one has the option of being a mere witness, we can only be participants. Whether by showing up with enthusiasm or sitting it out with apathy, no one is immune from having an impact on the world because no one is without the power and influence that comes with being alive. We are part of the problem or part of the solution, but if we are still breathing, we are part of the equation. Being complicit in the business of world-making, the essential question that remains for each of us, then, is "What part am I playing, and how am I playing it?"
>From this perspective, our lives really are our ultimate creations. We have the privilege of choosing what kind of person we want to be, and what kind of life we want to lead. Like all privileges, this comes with a great responsibility. For as we are all influenced, and decide who and what we will follow, we also influence others, becoming ad hoc leaders, never fully knowing who is taking our lead. We never know who's watching, who's listening, and for better or worse, who's following our example. Clearly, no one escapes from leaving a trail - our footprints can be traced wherever we've been. Our signature is found, the echo of our voice is heard, and the impact of our actions and in-actions is felt in more ways than we can possibly imagine.
2. To what extent do you believe that your actions matter in the big picture?
It's interesting how we have come to understand that even the fluttering of a butterfly's wing can effect climate changes on the other side of the planet, yet fail to comprehend the power and influence of our own actions. What we are being told by physicists the world over is that everything and everyone in the world is subject to the domino effect - one small action can start a chain reaction. We may feel as if our presence is meaningless or benign, but our participation is never inconsequential.
I recently had the pleasure of attending a lecture given by Gloria Steinem. (Yes, she was as cool, smart, and articulate as you would imagine!) Part of her message was to heighten the awareness of the crowd of how everything is interconnected - how the ongoing violation of human rights around the world is related to the violation of any person's rights within our own communities, whether of an economic, political or spiritual nature. In response, a young man posed the question, "What is your advice to us here today as to what we can do to further the rights of people around the globe?" Steinem's reply struck a deep chord in me, although I may be paraphrasing, "Each one of us must choose to act morally - which is to say, we must each behave as if everything we do matters in the big picture."
This is far from a simple undertaking. Taken to heart, it is a challenge of the highest order carrying deep implications not only for what we choose to do and say, but for what we fail to do and say. It reminds us that we are not here alone, we do not live in a vacuum, and as part of an interdependent system, we have responsibility to the whole.
3. How often do you pause for honest self-examination?
I love the story about the priest who was confronted by a soldier while he was walking down a road in pre-revolutionary Russia. The soldier, aiming his rifle at the priest, commanded, "What are you? Where are you going? Why are you going there?" Unfazed, the priest calmly replied. "How much do they pay you - this army?" Somewhat surprised, the soldier responded, "Twenty five kopecks a month." The priest paused, and in a deeply thoughtful manner said, "I have a proposal for you. I'll pay you fifty kopeks a month if you stop me here every day and challenge me to respond to those same three questions."
God knows that even with the best of intentions, sometimes if feels as if we are being carried by life's own bizarre and powerful momentum, when all we can do is hang on and survive. Unfortunately, we can't build a reputation on what we intend to do, or who we intend to be. How many of us have a 'soldier" confronting us with life's tough questions, pushing us to pause, to examine, and to develop ourselves more thoroughly? If "character is our fate" as Heraclitus wrote, do we step back often enough both to question and to affirm ourselves in order to reveal the strengths and the weaknesses of our own character?
4. What do you want your life to stand for?
There's nothing like writing an obituary or a eulogy for someone you love, to inspire self-examination about the life we are leading. Questions that often elude us, come rushing to the fore: What will be said about me when I am gone? How will my life be characterized? What roles, identities and relationships will be salient at the end of my life? What contributions will I have made and what is the legacy I will have left my family, my friends, and my community? What do I want my life to be an expression, an example, or the embodiment of?
For me, these questions are not about public reputation. They stem, rather, from the personal desire to feel as if our life has mattered, as if we, in fact, have made ourselves necessary to someone or something outside ourselves. It's important to know which purposes or ideals we would choose to characterize our lives. Whether it is upholding social justice, being a devoted parent, embodying the tenets of one's faith, or expressing one's truth through art or music, once identified, the ideals we aspire to become the touchstones of our character, the compass by which we steer the course, or the North Star that helps us find our bearings. Some feel their life's purpose pulsating in the very heart of their life, while others sense it more like a distant horizon that beckons. Strangely, beautifully, mysteriously, I think those purposes and ideals move and change over a lifetime, and at times, they seem to choose us rather than the other way around. Regardless, having a keen sense of the values, purposes, and ideals we aspire to helps us to literally "design" our lives around them, in big and small ways, in good times and in bad.
5. What values are reflected in your daily actions and behaviour?
Let's cut to the chase. We show the world every day who we really are and what we really care about by how we live. People don't know us through our intentions; they know us through our choices. As one writer put it, "Your daily actions and behavior is the only true measure of your values - everything else is wishful thinking." Everything we do, every decision we make, is a value-laden act. Our values are like fingerprints, we leave them all over everything we do. The question is never whether we are being driven by values, but which values we are being driven by.
It is a courageous and humbling experience to make an honest assessment about what the key people in our lives would say we stand for based on our everyday actions, the decisions we make, what we talk about, how we spend our money, how we invest our time and energy, what we pay attention to, and how we organize our lives. Based on what can be seen, heard and witnessed up close, perhaps others have a clearer assessment of our values than what we have of ourselves. And it's not just what we value that people are gleaning, but what we are professing. As Benjamin Franklin asserted, "Our actions are the sole medium of expression of our ethics and moral code. Concern yourself less with ideals, and more with deeds. Your life may be the only bible some people ever read."
6. What, if any, contradictions are on display by the life you are living?
As human beings, we are full of contradictions, giving lip service to one set of values, while living by another. As a society, we praise peace but prepare for war. We talk up cooperation but reward competition. We extol the virtues of racial and gender equality, but tolerate gross inequality in our workplaces or communities. We value short term profits over long-term care of those who are elderly, infirmed, and/or living in poverty while purporting to live in a compassionate and responsible society. On a more personal level, we say we value open communication in our relationships but freak out when we don't like what we hear. We pride ourselves on being open-minded, overlooking the biases and blind-spots that grossly color our own perceptions and shape our perspective. These disparities speak volumes about the gap that so frequently exists between our good intentions and our daily actions. Identifying where those gaps may be is the first step in the process of removing them.
7. What is the world around you saying about your attitudes and behavior?
William James asserted, "Each of us literally chooses, by his way of attending to things, what sort of universe he shall appear to himself to inhabit." In other words, those who are angry with the world, experience the world as angry, those who perceive it through the eyes of wonder, find wonder. The law of magnetism suggests that a similar phenomenon is true with who we attract into our lives - who we attract is not so much determined by what we want, but by who we are. So the manager who is a total control freak is not likely to attract staff who are spontaneous, free-thinking, and risk-taking. Instructors who are positive and upbeat, can't help but inspire optimism in their students. This is to say, whether you find yourself surrounded by people who are full of negativity or ingenuity, hope or despair, consider the extent to which they may be mirroring attitudes and behaviors of your own.
8. To what extent are you sending a message of credibility?
Every message is filtered through the messenger who delivers it, thus affecting its eventual impact. So the person who demands respect but fails to show it in return, is probably having little influence on those around her. The parent who wants to encourage his teenager to be more trustworthy, must begin by earning his teenager's trust. There is an ocean of difference between "giving input" and "having influence" and I think that the difference has a lot to do with credibility. Rather than ask, "Are people buying into my vision", we need to be asking, "Are people buying into me?" In the simplest terms, "Am I leading by example?"
9. To what extent are you sending a message of integrity?
When asking participants in my workshops to identify two or three qualities that a person must exhibit in order to earn their respect, the word I hear most often is integrity. Among other things, integrity means there is congruence between who we are and what we do. In the same way the words and music need to match in a good musical composition, what we say and what we do needs to match in order to send a message of integrity. A person of integrity does not have divided loyalties (that's duplicity), nor is she or she merely pretending (that's hypocrisy). A person of integrity is single-minded in the things that matter most, with nothing to hide - no pretences, no façade, no hidden agendas. In other words, what you see is what you get.
Living a life of integrity is a formidable goal and most of us will spend our lifetime trying to achieve it. It sounds good, but true-blue integrity demands fortitude and courage. How often do we hold back something that we feel is important because we are afraid of how other people are going to respond? Who hasn't put their own "spin" on something, or cast an issue in a more favorable light for their own purposes? How often do we feign modesty for something we are really proud of, or withhold our opinion for fear of appearing too big for our britches? In our attempt to play it safe, we have to be careful to not compromise the only gift we have to bring to the world, the gift of our true selves. That is the price integrity demands.
10. To what extent do you live with an awareness that you will die?
Albert Einstein once observed that of all the mysteries of the world, the one that he found most fascinating was the fact that while everyone knows that people are mortal, no person believes that he himself will ever have to die. Perhaps the reality of our own mortality is too much for the human mind to fully comprehend. Having resided in California for over 35 years, I know the difference between having an "intellectual awareness" of the probability of an earthquake, and the "day to day oblivion" that allowed me to live 50 miles from one of the largest fault lines in North America without giving it much thought. Perhaps our capacity for denial is essential for our ability to function in our day to day affairs, and many would gladly hold tight to the illusion of immortality.
Personally, I am of the mindset that our lives become more precious, more meaningful, and more beautiful when we accept death as the inevitable and necessary backdrop. Living with the awareness that our lives are temporary makes life a treasure to be cherished, and time a gift not to be wasted or taken for granted. Knowing that tomorrow is not promised, we are reminded to approach each day with a sense of urgency and gratitude. It is in this context that we take to heart the powerful question posed by Stephen Levine: If you were going to die soon and had one phone call to make, who would you call, what would you say - and why are you waiting?
SUMMARY
They say we teach what we most need to learn. In that spirit, it has been a rewarding and humbling experience to pose these questions with regard to my own life. The challenge will be to keep those questions alive and in the forefront of my mind once the blush on the rose of the new year has faded, or when I am no longer reeling from the blow of the passing of a loved one. How do we stay alert and attentive to the tenuousness and frailty of life? How do we learn to savor and not squander the precious opportunity to live and to express all that we are here to experience in the world? What if we were only willing to put off until tomorrow, what we are willing to die having left undone? Unsaid? Unexpressed? How would living with that sense of urgency affect the way we act, the choices we make, and the risks we would be willing to take?
This is all to say - if you love someone, hurry up and show it. If you genuinely care about an issue, find yourself passionate about a cause, or realize that you have a gift to give - don't hesitate to act on it. Run, don't walk. Say it, pray it, display it. Dance it, chance it, rant it. The opportunity to express your truth and live your story is both a blessing and a privilege. Everything you do matters, your life is your message, and the clock is ticking...
All the best,
~ Denise
© Denise Bissonnette, February 2011 (If not used for commercial purposes, this article may be reproduced, all or in part, providing it is credited to "Denise Bissonnette, Diversity World - www.diversityworld.com." If included in a newsletter or other publication, we would appreciate receiving a copy.)
Read Denise's previous (December 2010) newsletter... <http://m1e.net/c?116499039-1h2p3gn4rCDGU%406166970-wpLGkuMHNFwOI>
________________________________
We welcome your comments and feedback on this article!
Please consider sending us your opinions, perspectives, experiences or related resources on this topic. Unless you specify otherwise, your comments and contact information may be edited/published in a future edition of the True Livelihood Newsletter.
Email your comments on this article... TLN at diversityworld.com <mailto:TLN at diversityworld.com>
________________________________
Poem of the Month
This month's selection is from the brilliant novelist, poet, and Nobel Prize Winner, Rudyard Kipling. Born in India in 1865 of English parents, he was a contemporary of Mahatma Gandhi's. This much celebrated poem is an expression of the ideals Kipling wishes to pass on to his son - an astonishing portrait of what a life of integrity, humility, and wisdom might look like "If" ... Enjoy it, be inspired, and pass it on!
If
If you can keep you head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired of waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make your thoughts your aim,
If you can meet Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same:
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And- which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!
- Rudyard Kipling (1865- 1936)
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Thoughts to Consider
"Man's ultimate masterpiece is his life."
- Michelangelo
"My actions are my only true belongings."
- Thich Nhat Hanh
"Every action of our lives touches on some chord that will vibrate in eternity."
- Sean O'Casey
"The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing
would suffice to solve most of the world's problems."
- Mahatma Gandhi
"It is not only for what we do that are held responsible,
but also for what we do not do."
- Moliere
"I don't what to talk about what you understand about this world.
I want to know what you will do about it. I don't want to know
what you hope for. I want to know what you will work for.
I don't want your sympathy for the needs of humanity. I want your muscle.
As the wagon driver said when they came to a long, hard hill, "Them that's going on with us, get out and push. Them that ain't, get out of the way!"
- Robert Fulghum
"Live not as though there were a thousand years ahead of you.
Fate is at your elbow; make yourself good
while life and power are still yours."
- Marcus Aurelius
"Is it time to start living the life you imagined?"
- Henry James
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Putting It Into Practice
1. Use the Ten Questions posed in the article for your own self-reflection or as the basis for discussion in a small group. Here are some additional questions to spark deeper reflection and/or group dialogue:
o Which parts of your life do you feel you are living by design, and which parts do you feel you are living more by default?
o Which of the questions helped to affirm your current lifestyle, actions and choices?
o Which of the questions served to give you pause or inspired you to want to make a change in your current lifestyle, actions or choices?
2. Consider asking key people in your life to share what they glean as the values and ideals you hold most dear by the way you live your life. Really listen to what people say. Notice, too, what they do not say. Are there values they fail to mention which you, in fact, hold dear?
3. Bring to mind some of the people who have most influenced your life, for good or for bad. How would you characterize the main lesson or teaching you received from each through the example they set or through the life they lived?
4. Consider who you might recruit as "a soldier on the road of your life" - a person you entreat to periodically ask, "who you are", "where you are going" and "why you are going there". Alternatively, assemble a group of people who gather for the purposes of this kind of reflection. One of my brothers recently talked to me about being part of an "accountability group", a group of four or five men who meet to check in and give feedback one another's goals, actions, dreams, etc.
5. Give some thought to what you would like to have happen as part of your memorial service, including anything you would like to have read, or songs you would like to have played. It could be an amazing gift for those left behind to know what your wishes are and to be able to grant them in the company of those who gather to celebrate your life. Whether or not you decide to share your ideas, you may find the exercise itself a worthwhile process.
6. If so inspired, try writing your own version of Kipling's "If".
________________________________
Reader's Survey
What questions would you add to my list for further reflection of "Living life as your message?"
Please reply to: TLN at diversityworld.com <mailto:TLN at diversityworld.com?subject=Reader's_Survey>
________________________________
Denise Bissonnette's Publications
<http://m1e.net/c?116499039-YOY/NilnH8Eec%406166971-kqk.WZr1cBJZI> <http://m1e.net/c?116499039-YOY/NilnH8Eec%406166971-kqk.WZr1cBJZI> <http://m1e.net/c?116499039-YOY/NilnH8Eec%406166971-kqk.WZr1cBJZI>
Denise has published several important works on topics of job development, career development, personal development and similar topics. She also has two video-based in-service training programs available. Please visit our online store, Diversity Shop, for more information on these and related products. Link to more information on Denise's publications... <http://m1e.net/c?116499039-1I/lTIsoS7BAk%406166971-qR9xvd8blG.3M>
________________________________
Some of Denise's Upcoming Confirmed Appearances
* Toronto, ON * Denver, CO * Calgary, AB * Elkhart Lake, WI * Richmond, CA
* Whitehorse, YT *
See all of Denise's Scheduled Events... <http://m1e.net/c?116499039-RwFQPjUtoVDhY%406166972-fWQUS39bMZIbE>
________________________________
New In Our Store...
The 6 Reasons You'll Get The Job
What Employers Look for - Whether They Know It or Not <http://m1e.net/c?116499039-PBbVchPXCPrCI%406166973-VaEyVqUf8pgFY>
Author: Debra Angel MacDougall and Elisabeth Harney Sanders-Park
(Softcover, 272 pages)
More people than ever are applying for the same few jobs. Surfing job boards and submitting a dozen résumés a day just doesn't work. The 6 Reasons You'll Get the Job shows you exactly how to tailor your pitch and stand out from the crowd so that you get hired. Only $14.95.
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