[acb-hsp] FW: Denise Bissonnette's True Livelihood Newsletter

Wed Jul 6 14:21:47 EDT 2011

From: Diversity World [mailto:info at diversityworld.com] 
Sent: Tuesday, July 05, 2011 9:05 AM
To: Baracco, Andrew W
Subject: Denise Bissonnette's True Livelihood Newsletter

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This newsletter is intended to support the work of people who are engaged in developing the careers, vocations, livelihoods, jobs and/or work of other individuals. It is our belief that everyone's work life can and should be molded and crafted to be the expression of our finest gifts and a source of great joy. Towards this end, we hope that the content of these newsletters will support you with both practical tools and inspirational ideas. 

Hello Andrew . 
Welcome to our May/June 2011 edition!
Please pass this on to interested friends and colleagues!

 Defining Success on Your Own Terms 

Dear Colleagues and Friends,

Let me begin with the exchange that inspired the theme for this month's issue. It was a conversation that took place on the short flight from San Diego to San Francisco when my young seatmate noticed that I was reading and, and to his horror, scribbling in the margins of a book entitled, "This I Believe: The Personal Philosophies of Remarkable Men and Women". He tilted his head and in a sardonic tone inquired, "What do you do, teach Philosophy?". "Not quite", I replied, "but I am a teacher of sorts, with a philosophic bent. " I went on to explain that I work in the area of employment counseling and job development.

He proudly reported that he was a recent graduate with an MBA from UCLA, on his way to celebrate his achievement with his buddies in the Bay Area. I offered my congrats and inquired as to what his plans were now that he had earned his MBA. "I plan to be successful," he answered flatly, as if stating the obvious. A few seconds later he added, "I'll probably get married at some point and have some rug rats. You know, be happy. Probably not the answer that appeals to someone with a philosophic bent, but that's pretty much my plan." I nod. (Like, what... I'm going to let this go?) I press further. "So, what is it you hope to be successful at? What kind of company do you want to work for? What kind of work do you think will make you happy?" He shoots me a quizzical look and in a tone that insinuates he is speaking to a moron, replies, "Whatever, whoever offers me the most attractive package, of course." He decides to humor me, "So, Ms. Employment Counselor, do you have any advice for me?"

If only our destination were on the other side of the country. The wheels of the plane are touching down, so I cut to the chase. "I would offer you this: Know what you want. Know why you want it. Know what you mean by "successful". Define your parameters of an "attractive package". Don't wait until you're twenty years into your career to know your own heart and clarify what it is that will make you truly happy." He nods and utters a polite, "Yeah, right," as he gathers his belongings and we bid farewell. 

So here's the thing. Mr. MBA may truly find his way, enjoy the success he imagines, find the lovely wife and have a healthy brood of children who follow in their father's successful footsteps. He may land the "attractive package" that brings him happiness. But if you are a reader of this newsletter, I suspect that you, like me, can't help but want to wish this young man a whole lot of luck. Not the sort that lands him the perfect job, but of the variety that leads him most quickly and effectively to knowing himself, his motivations, his purposes and his priorities. We wish for him what we wish for ourselves and for own children - self-knowledge, courage, clarity and discernment that leads to the pursuit of one's truest desires because we know that anything less will fail to fully satisfy. 

We all to be successful, we all want to be happy, but if we haven't bothered to define for ourselves what "success" and "happiness" mean, we end up chasing something vague and elusive, never really knowing if and when we have arrived. Given an opportunity, I would add the following suggestions to my adhoc advice to my seatmate, suggestions which may benefit anyone who cares to live what Henry David Thoreau called "an examined life". 

1. Recognize that you are a product of a "Success-Obsessed Culture".

While the attitude and perspective of my seatmate about his future appears both shallow and short-sighted, it should be anything but surprising. He, like most of us, in addition to everything else he may have learned, acquired, or experienced, did not escape being a product of a deeply success-obsessed culture. Despite the messages you may have received from your family, your church or your cultural heritage, if you were born and raised in North America, you were raised with a societal backdrop promoting the idea that success is the all-redeeming virtue and that the acquisition of status and wealth is the single worthy aim of life. Through our parents, teachers, and coaches, through the media, the books we read and the movies we watch, the underlying message that persists is that the ultimate measuring stick of a life or a career is that of "worldly success". Success, by this definition, has little to do with the level of happiness, purpose, or engagement one might be experiencing in their life or work, but by how many letters come after their name, how much money they make, how far up the professional ladder they've climbed, the current value of their portfolio, yada, yada, yada. 

William James, considered a modern father of psychology, once referred to "the moral flabbiness of the bitch-goddess success" and described the culture's craving for success as a "national disease". We've all seen how the compulsive, unexamined obsession with success can run amuck in the life of a person, a workplace, or a community. Symptoms of this "national disease" include peptic ulcers, broken marriages, crazy lifestyles, and the most universally accepted addiction of our time - the addiction to work. This fast-paced, manic, success-driven society as we have come to know it values speed over pace, effort over effectiveness, adrenaline over purpose, and busyness over discernment. Driven by the desire to be Number One, to produce the smallest, the cheapest, or the first to arrive on the market, we often confuse change with growth and innovation with progress. As writer Robert Holden put it, "In our relentless pursuit of success, we are all fast-forwarding to nowhere in particular." In short, we have sacrificed much of our sanity and our wisdom at the altar of "supposed success". We're surely driven, we're surely busy, even if we ain't too smart. 

2. Live on your own terms and by your own definitions. 

Okay, we've dealt with the bad news part of this newsletter - here's the good. Society's terms don't need to be our terms. We can be acculturated and we can rise above the conditioning of our culture. We can sleepwalk through life and live according to other people's standards and definitions, or we can wake up and determine the course we want our own life to take. But it begins by knowing where we're going, why we're going there, and what direction will take us there. 

Life doesn't equip us with meaning, we apply meaning to Life. Everyone responds to the notion of a "dream home" but what constitutes a dream home for one person would be a living hell for another. What's yours - a high rise condo in Upper Manhattan, a rustic cottage on an obscure beach, or a tent pitched under a million stars somewhere in the Rockies? If we care to live an examined life, does it not follow that we have to examine carefully what it is that inspires us, what motivates us to do what we do, and what is behind our current ambitions? Clearly, our definitions matter.

3. Knowing how much is "enough".

While the vast majority of people in North America will tell you that their primary reason for working is to make money, making money is not a pursuit itself, but a tool for pursuing something else. Money itself has no inherent value - the value is produced only when we exchange money for other things. Whether it's making the rent and keeping the kids clothed and fed, the acquisition of a new car, an investment in plastic surgery, the thrill of a trip around the world, or the security of a retirement plan - the true value of money is only produced when it is exchanged for something else. 

In our collective and largely unconscious pursuit of money, we should be asking what it is we are really bargaining for, what we hope to gain in its exchange. This is important because financial experts repeatedly remind us that most people don't know how much money they really need to do the things they want, and thus, often wildly overestimate or underestimate how much money they need in exchange for their desired life. According to near-unanimous scientific research, pursuing wealth for wealth's sake won't get you very far. A certain amount of money produces happiness, and a bit more produces a bit more happiness, but beyond that, the correlation between money and life satisfaction is null. How will Mr. MBA discern the most "attractive package", if he doesn't know what it is he is ultimately trying to attract? How do we know how much money is "enough" if we aren't clear what it is we are hoping to exchange it for?

4. Own the price exacted by your ambitions. 

In the pursuit of money and success, we can certainly be ambitious. Ambition can be a wonderful thing - it is a force that inspires vision, drive and determination to accomplish whatever is in our mind's eye. The fundamental issue, however, is what we are being ambitious about. Each of us must discern for ourselves the answers to questions like the following: 

*	Are your ambitions supporting you in becoming your best self or are they exacting a price from your soul? 

*	What are the potential benefits and sacrifices of attaining the kind of success you seek? 

*	Are you choosing your ambitions or are they choosing you? 

*	Are the values and emotions driving your current ambitions the ones you would purposely choose to have behind the wheel of your life? 

*	Who/what are you trying to please, impress, persuade, or influence through your current ambitions?

*	Who/what share the cost of your ambitions in terms of your time, energy and attention?

These questions and others like them lead us back to our personal understanding and defining of success and happiness, purpose and meaning. I remember a friend who told me that he was here "to play" - the world for him was one big playground. He was a self-proclaimed adrenaline junkie who continually pushed his limits through adventures like hang-gliding, deep sea diving, parachuting, etc. Another friend used the words of Mother Teresa to describe how she most wanted to live her life - as a love letter to God. Is it any surprise that she spent over thirty years advocating for the rights of the poor in the city in which she lived? Both were extremely ambitious, but in very different ways. 

5. Think of success as a stopping place rather than a destination. 

Personally, I have very little affinity to the concept of "being successful" in general terms, although I am willing to use the term in relation to particular events. In other words, I can relate to "success" simply as a place along a road, a temporary stopping place, or an experience such as a seminar that went well, a family celebration that came off without a hitch, or a fundraising event that met its goals. Likewise, there are specific achievements that herald "success" like earning a degree or a diploma, landing a position, or winning a political campaign. At times like these, we certainly know what it is to enjoy "moments" of success. But who gets to a place where they can say, "Okay, I have arrived. I'm there! I have achieved all the success I set out to attain. I get to sit on my laurels now." I don't know about you, but if and when I ever did arrive at that place, I would be looking for a new definition of success!

I don't think human beings are made for being perfectly content in the here and now, at least not for a very long "here and now". An hour of fishing, sure. A week of holidays in Tuscany, I'm in. But we don't just want to be happy in life, we want to be engaged, challenged, curious, growing, surprised, evolving. Wouldn't we prefer to experience the entire spectrum of human emotions than to hang out indeterminately on the "happy end" of the life scale? Isn't growth the only evidence of a vital life? And if so, doesn't growth require a reaching and a stretching beyond what is comfortable? So even if there is a "there" in terms of achieving some level of success, it will only satisfy for a certain amount of time before it becomes the new starting point by which to judge the next "there". As George Bernard Shaw put it, "I always dreaded the thought of success. I prefer the continual state of becoming, with a goal in front and not behind." 

6. Clarify and define what success means to you in its many shapes and forms. 

While we were raised in a culture that defines success in the narrowest terms, usually relating it to one's financial and professional achievements, the trajectory of our lives is wider, deeper, and more complex than what is reflected on our resume or in our bank accounts. Our understanding of, definitions for, and perspective on success need to reflect that more expansive and diverse spectrum of life experience. While one is grappling with vocational issues, she may be rockin' in the realm of her physical exertion and stamina. Another has failed to reach his financial goals, but has earned the title of "Grandpa of the Century" by his cherished grandchildren. In the same way that "Success" is more temporary than permanent, it is also far more multi-dimensional than it is unilateral. 

With that in mind, consider how you define "success" in the following dimensions of your life: What would mark your success in each of these areas, letting you know when you have met each of these goals or aspirations? 

Education and Professional Goals:

*	What do you hope to achieve in relation to your education?

*	What do you hope to do or accomplish in relation to your current job or your career goals? What does "success at work" look like to you?

*	What talents and gifts have you been given that you want to most fully develop and put to use in your work?

*	What would you like to be part of or contribute to in relation to your community or to your profession? 

Acquisition Goals:

*	What do you want to have, save for, and acquire? 

*	What worldly goods or possessions would make you feel as if you have succeeded in some way? 

*	What does your dream home look like?

*	What belongings or possessions will tell you that you've "made it"? A vintage car, a top of the line guitar, a fabulous shoe collection, or the funds to travel around the world?

*	How much money do you need to make to feel like you have "arrived" in your field? 

*	How much money do you need to make or save in order to feel accomplished and comfortable as a breadwinner for your family? 

Personal/Relational/Spiritual Goals:

*	What kind of person do you want to be? 

*	What qualities and attributes do you wish to develop and earn a reputation for? 

*	If you were famous for anything, what would you like to be famous for?

*	What legacy do you hope to leave those you love? 

*	What part do you want to play in the lives of others? 

*	What are you here to give and teach the world, and what are you here to learn and receive? 

7. Live the questions.

Obviously this list only scratches the surface of the many questions worthy of our time and attention as we come to terms with our own definitions of success. I encourage you to add your own to the list. Likewise, be aware of how the responses to these questions and others like them will change and morph over time, as we "live the questions" as Rainer Marie Rilke so wisely advised us to do. 

In the preceding two issues of this newsletter I affirm the assertion offered by Gandhi that "our lives are our message", whether the message we are sending is by design or by default. In that same spirit, I think it would behoove us to take the time to consider and be clear about what we are willing to sacrifice in order to have what we want to have and to do what we want to do, because in the end, what will matter most is who we are and what we have become. In this noble venture, my friends, I wish you great success!

Happy summer!

~ Denise 

© Denise Bissonnette, June 2011 (If not used for commercial purposes, this article may be reproduced, all or in part, providing it is credited to "Denise Bissonnette, Diversity World - www.diversityworld.com." If included in a newsletter or other publication, we would appreciate receiving a copy.)

Read Denise's previous (March/April 2011) newsletter... <http://m1e.net/c?116499039-v0uU039OPXk9.%406602236-1EggVb2WrhNdo>  

________________________________

We Welcome your comments and feedback on this article!

Please consider sending us your opinions, perspectives, experiences or related resources on this topic. Unless you specify otherwise, your comments and contact information may be edited/published in a future edition of the True Livelihood Newsletter.

Email your comments on this article... TLN at diversityworld.com <mailto:TLN at diversityworld.com> 

________________________________

Thoughts to Consider

"How can they say my life is not a success?
Have I not for more than 60 years
had enough to eat and escaped being eaten?" 

- Logan Smith

"Try not to become a man of success, but rather a man of value."

- Albert Einstein

"What is success? It is a toy balloon among children armed with pins."

- Gene Fowler

"Try to discover the road to success, and you'll seek but never find.
But blaze your own path,
and the road to success will trail right behind."

- Robert Brandt

"Everyone wants to live on the peak of the mountain without knowing
that the real happiness is in how it is scaled."

- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

"Success is always temporary. When all is said and done,
the only thing you'll have left is your character."

- Vince Gill

"There is only one success - being able to live your life in your own way."

- Christopher Morley 

________________________________

Poem of the Month

I am delighted to share this wonderful poem from a contemporary Palestinian-American poet who never fails to inspire with her concise language and sharp imagery. I have recited this poem in my workshops as a way of initiating lively discussion around the question, "What do you want to be famous for?" - a creative way of defining personal success.  

Famous

By Naomi Shihab Nye

The river is famous to the fish. 

The loud voice is famous to silence,
which knew it would inherit the earth
before anybody said so.

The cat sleeping on the fence is famous to the birds
watching him from the birdhouse.

The tear is famous, briefly, to the cheek.

The idea you carry close to your bosom
is famous to your bosom.

The boot is famous to the earth,
more famous than the dress shoe,
which is only famous to tile floors.

The bent photograph is famous to the one who carries it
and not at all famous to the one who is pictured.

I want to be famous to shuffling men
who smile while crossing streets,
and to sticky children in grocery lines,
famous as the one who smiled back.

I want to be famous in the way a pulley is famous,
or a buttonhole, not because it did anything spectacular,
but because it never forgot what it could do.

Excerpt from Hugging the Jukebox by Naomi Shihab Nye. E. P. Dutton, New York, 1982. 

________________________________

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________________________________

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