[acb-hsp] Go Easy on Yourself

[peter altschul]

FEBRUARY 28, 2011, 5:26 PM
  Go Easy on Yourself, a New Wave of Research Urges
  By TARA PARKER-POPE
  Do you treat yourself as well as you treat your friends and 
family? That simple question is the basis for a burgeoning new 
area of psychological research called self-compassion -- how 
kindly people view themselves.
  People who find it easy to be supportive and understanding to 
others, it turns out, often score surprisingly low on 
self-compassion tests, berating themselves for perceived failures 
like being overweight or not exercising.  The research suggests 
that giving ourselves a break and accepting our imperfections may 
be the first step toward better health.  People who score high on 
tests of self-compassion have less depression and anxiety, and 
tend to be happier and more optimistic.  Preliminary data suggest 
that self-compassion can even influence how much we eat and may 
help some people lose weight.  This idea does seem at odds with 
the advice dispensed by many doctors and self-help books, which 
suggest that willpower and self-discipline are the keys to better 
health.  But Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the field, says 
self-compassion is not to be confused with self-indulgence or 
lower standards.  "I found in my research that the biggest reason 
people aren't more self-compassionate is that they are afraid 
they'll become self-indulgent," said Dr.  Neff, an associate 
professor of human development at the University of Texas at 
Austin.  "They believe self-criticism is what keeps them in line.  
Most people have gotten it wrong because our culture says being 
hard on yourself is the way to be."
  Imagine your reaction to a child struggling in school or eating 
too much junk food.  Many parents would offer support, like 
tutoring or making an effort to find healthful foods the child 
will enjoy.  But when adults find themselves in a similar 
situation -- struggling at work, or overeating and gaining weight 
-- many fall into a cycle of self-criticism and negativity.  That 
leaves them feeling even less motivated to change.  
"Self-compassion is really conducive to motivation," Dr.  Neff 
said.  "The reason you don't let your children eat five big tubs 
of ice cream is because you care about them.  With 
self-compassion, if you care about yourself, you do what's 
healthy for you rather than what's harmful to you."
  Dr.  Neff, whose book, "Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself 
Up and Leave Insecurity Behind," is being published next month by 
William Morrow, has developed a self-compassion scale: 26 
statements meant to determine how often people are kind to 
themselves, and whether they recognize that ups and downs are 
simply part of life.  A positive response to the statement "I'm 
disapproving and judgmental about my own flaws and inadequacies," 
for example, suggests lack of self-compassion.  "When I feel 
inadequate in some way, I try to remind myself that feelings of 
inadequacy are shared by most people" suggests the opposite.  For 
those low on the scale, Dr.  Neff suggests a set of exercises -- 
like writing yourself a letter of support, just as you might to a 
friend you are concerned about.  Listing your best and worst 
traits, reminding yourself that nobody is perfect and thinking of 
steps you might take to help you feel better about yourself are 
also recommended.  Other exercises include meditation and 
"compassion breaks," which involve repeating mantras like "I'm 
going to be kind to myself in this moment."
  If this all sounds a bit too warm and fuzzy, like the Also 
Franken character Stuart Smalley ("I'm good enough, I'm smart 
enough, and doggone it, people like me"), there is science to 
back it up.  A 2007 study by researchers at Wake Forest 
University suggested that even a minor self-compassion 
intervention could influence eating habits.  As part of the 
study, 84 female college students were asked to take part in what 
they thought was a food-tasting experiment.  At the beginning of 
the study, the women were asked to eat doughnuts.  One group, 
however, was given a lesson in self-compassion with the food.  "I 
hope you won't be hard on yourself," the instructor said.  
"Everyone in the study eats this stuff, so I don't think there's 
any reason to feel real bad about it."
  Later the women were asked to taste-test candies from large 
bowls.  The researchers found that women who were regular dieters 
or had guilt feelings about forbidden foods ate less after 
hearing the instructor's reassurance.  Those not given that 
message ate more.  The hypothesis is that the women who felt bad 
about the doughnuts ended up engaging in "emotional" eating.  The 
women who gave themselves permission to enjoy the sweets didn't 
overeat.  "Self-compassion is the missing ingredient in every 
diet and weight-loss plan," said Jean Fain, a psychotherapist and 
teaching associate at Harvard Medical School who wrote the new 
book "The Self-Compassion Diet" (Sounds True publishing).  "Most 
plans revolve around self-discipline, deprivation and neglect."
  Dr.  Neff says that the field is still new and that she is just 
starting a controlled study to determine whether teaching 
self-compassion actually leads to lower stress, depression and 
anxiety and more happiness and life satisfaction.  "The problem 
is that it's hard to unlearn habits of a lifetime," she said.  
"People have to actively and consciously develop the habit of 
self-compassion."
  Copyright 2011 the New Yourk Times Company