[acb-hsp] Macho Men Die Early

[peter altschul]

Macho Men Die Early: The Destructive Rules of Traditional 
Masculinity
  Hugo Schwyzer, The Good Men Project May 8, 2011
  A study last month revealed a truth many of us have long 
suspected: men with "macho" attitudes are more reluctant to seek 
health care-and as a result experience shorter life expectancy 
and greater medical problems-than men who hold less traditional 
views.  According to the Rutgers University researchers, men who 
believed in rigid gender roles (like the idea that women should 
be homemakers while men work) were 46 percent less likely than 
their more progressive peers to seek out vital life-saving 
preventative health care.
  We take it for granted today that women outlive men, forgetting 
that in pre-modern times the reverse was often true.  Death in 
childbirth was more common for women than death in war was for 
men; in many societies there were more widowers than widows.  
Think of the wicked stepmothers and single fathers who are 
ubiquitous in the Grimm fairy tales, and think about what must 
have happened to Cinderella's mom.  Women have only consistently 
outlived men since the advent of modern medicine not much more 
than a century ago.
  Men aren't dying earlier because their bodies are inherently 
more frail than women's.  Men die earlier because of poor 
lifestyle choices, most of which are rooted in the destructive 
rules of traditional masculinity.  Two of the most basic of those 
"man laws" or "guy codes": Don't display weakness Take risks
  As any insurance agent will tell you, young men are more likely 
to be reckless behind the wheel and to die in the resulting 
accidents.  They are also more likely to be murdered, to commit 
suicide, and to overdose.  These statistics hold true across 
racial and class lines.  And though we live in a culture that 
often sees men as more expendable than women, the chief culprit 
in so many of these untimely deaths is the demanding macho ethos.  
>From small boys "double-dog-daring" one another to jump off roofs 
to drag-racing teens, that ethos insists that "real men" are 
heedless of their safety.  The toll in blood and heartbreak is 
incalculable.
  Statistically, men take fewer overt physical risks as they 
transition into middle age.  But aging men aren't immune from the 
pressures to live up to the guy code.  Where once they proved 
their toughness by driving fast or playing violent sports, they 
now measure their manhood by their willingness to ignore pain and 
other signs of illness.  As this new Rutgers study has shown, 
there's a direct correlation between the degree to which a man 
clings to these outdated and destructive rules and his refusal to 
take care of himself.
  This is deeply personal to me.  All four of my 
great-grandmothers reached their 80's, as did both of my 
grandmothers.  My two grandfathers died at 44 and 62, and three 
of my four great-grandfathers never saw 65.  My dad died of 
stomach cancer at 71.  My wife's father died of a heart attack at 
63.  My daughter has two doting grannies, but will never know her 
parents' fathers.  And in almost every instance, these men would 
have lived longer had they taken better care of themselves.  My 
father-in-law and my maternal grandfather drank themselves to 
death.  My father's father drove too fast on a foggy English road 
one morning decades ago and ploughed head-on into a bus.  And my 
own Dad, as sweet and non-macho as he was in so many ways, 
ignored too many of his symptoms until it was too late.  Both 
statistics and anecdotes tell me my family isn't that unusual.
  I'm not angry at any of these men who left too soon.  The 
decisions they made to take risks or to ignore pain were theirs, 
of course, but they were made in concert with an ethos that few 
of them had the opportunity to question.  They weren't given the 
opportunity their sons and grandsons have been given: the chance 
to reevaluate the masculine myth and its cruel insistence on 
relentless disregard for health and well-being.
  In just a few months, I will have outlived my father's father.  
That's a haunting thought, especially as I have a very young 
daughter.  Heloise is only 2; my wife and I took a long sweet 
time to become parents.  If I am to see my little girl grow 
middle-aged, I am keenly aware I need to make different decisions 
than my father and grandfathers made before me.  I can't prevent 
every accident, of course, and even the most careful attention to 
diet, exercise, and doctor visits isn't a perfect prophylaxis 
against untimely death.  All any of us can do is improve our 
odds.  And improving those odds means letting go of the foolish 
masculine ideal that demands we treat our bodies as if they were 
indestructible.
  One of the defenses of the macho ethic is that it encourages 
men to be strong and tough to protect and defend their families 
and communities.  Even if that were true, you can't protect if 
you're not present.  The tragedy of traditional masculinity is 
that it shortens menbs lives; the scandal is that it does so in 
the name of making them better husbands, fathers, brothers, and 
sons.
  We need to remind men that part of being a "real man" is being 
mentally, emotionally, and physically present for the people who 
love and rely upon us.  Being present-and staying 
present-requires us to be better stewards of our bodies and our 
spirits.  It doesn't mean hypochondria or endless introspection.
  It means remembering that our value doesn't lie only in our 
capacity to defend or to provide.  It lies in our capacity to 
love, to connect, and to nurture.  We can do none of those things 
if we aren't there.
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