[acb-hsp] I Was Raped, and It Got Me Pregnnt

[Mmorrowfarrell at aol.com]

Thank you for sharing this.  Pretty much says it all! ~m.  morrow-farrell, 
philly pa
 
 
In a message dated 8/25/2012 6:50:18 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,  
paltschul at centurytel.net writes:

I Was  Raped, And It Got Me Pregnant -- What Akin and Other 
Extremists Will Never  Understand
August 22, 2012
At 19 years old, I became an  unwilling expert on the topic of 
rape.  I learned about rape's  savagery and its psychological 
trauma.
Lately, we've been  hearing from men who don't know much about 
the subject at all.  On  Monday, Senate candidate Rep.  Todd Akin, 
R-Mo., created a stir when  he said, "If it's a legitimate rape, 
the female body has ways to try to  shut that whole thing down." 
But his casual, off-the-cuff ignorance is  just the latest in a 
long line of insults.  In March, Kansas  Rep.  Pete DeGraf said, 
"Women should plan ahead for rape the way he  keeps a spare tire." 
A few weeks after that Indiana state Rep.  Eric  Turner said, 
"Some women might fake being raped in order to get free  
abortions." I can't stand by and watch these men who have no 
personal  experience with sexual assault pretend to know so much 
about it.
I do know about rape.  I received an education of the highest 
degree,  and now it's my turn to teach.
My story begins during an overnight  at my best friend's camp on 
a lake in Central New York.  I rode to  the camp with my best 
friend and her husband, who was in the Navy and home  on leave.
When we got there, she told me I could have the best  bedroom 
upstairs since everyone else was sleeping on the first  floor.  
Feeling special, I unpacked my belongings in the secluded  little 
room at the end of the hall.  That night, I was the first to  go 
to bed.
Sound asleep, I awoke in the middle of the night to  the force 
of a cold, calloused hand across my mouth.  It was my best  
friend's husband.  He was a big guy, and I was frozen with fear  
and intimidation; I could not move a muscle.
Everything seemed  to be happening in slow motion.  My eyes were 
screaming at him: Why  are you doing this to me? But my voice was 
silent.  His hand clamped  over my mouth had stopped the flow of 
words.  I wondered what I had  done to make this happen, to make 
my best friendbs husband want to hurt  me?
Then I realized he wasn't alone.  I saw the second face in  the 
darkness -- another friend I had known all my life was now on top  
of me.  The pain began shooting through my body as he tore off my  
underwear.  It felt like everything stopped in that moment,  
mentally and physically.  My breathing stopped.  The blood in my  
veins stopped flowing.  I realize now that this was just the  
beginning of what it is like to be raped.
My old life was gone,  over.  Now, I walked into darkness 
shackled to a completely different  existence, one I could never 
have imagined.
After that night, my  mind turned against me.  Poisonous 
thoughts seeped into every crevice  and I had nightmares of 
faceless strangers chasing me every night in my  dreams.  I did 
not trust anyone.  I blamed myself.  I  believed that I would 
never be able to cleanse the filth off my  body.  I never pressed 
charges, because at 19 years old (and this was  30 years ago), I 
wasn't even sure if this was legally a crime, since I  knew the 
men who raped me.
But just when I thought the horror  couldn't escalate any 
further, things got worse: My period never  came.  At first, I 
assumed it was due to the stress and anxiety, so I  waited.  I 
waited and waited, and fear swarmed in my mind.
Eight weeks after I was raped, Planned Parenthood gave me the  
confirmation: I was pregnant.  The woman who worked there tried  
to tell me about my options, but I ran.  I threw up in the  
parking lot.  I drove around for hours praying this was all a  
dream.
Any chance to remotely reclaim who I was disappeared in  that 
moment.  My whole worldview was challenged.  I'm a  Catholic, and 
I didn't understand: How could this happen to me?
I was innocent.  I did nothing wrong.  But I was overwhelmed by  
fear, guilt and shame.
Just when I thought I might be able to  push the ugliness of 
this savage act out of my mind, I realized I would  never be able 
to escape.  It would not let me go.
I was  mentally, emotionally and spiritually broken, and the 
thought of what had  resulted from this vile act took my 
self-hatred into another  dimension.  I wanted no memory of that 
night, would do anything  possible to erase it in the hope that it 
would somehow ease the sick,  disgusting feeling I got every time 
I looked in the mirror.  I  realized that in order to maintain 
what little sanity I had left, I had to  terminate the pregnancy.
Six months after the rape, I dropped out of  college and 
developed an eating disorder.  I collapsed into alcohol  abuse and 
had abusive relationships.
It took me 12 years of  trying to kill myself before I could 
actually verbalize to a trusted  counselor what happened to me.  I 
spent the next eight years trying  to reverse the damage that was 
done.  Twenty years of serving time  for a crime I didn't commit.
Rep.  Akin and those who argue  about "legitimate" rape, you 
have no idea what you are talking  about.  You don't know what it 
is like to have your sacredness ripped  away, ferociously taken 
without your permission.  A pregnancy  resulting from rape is a 
reminder of violence, hatred and brutality forced  upon your body.  
And to tell a woman who has gone through the horror  of being 
raped -- which can and does, in fact, result in pregnancy -- that  
she again does not have the power or control to decide what 
happens to  her body afterward is an outrage of epic proportions.
I have learned  to speak up about my experience, to never again 
be silenced.  But  unfortunately, I can't stop men who are not 
experts from spouting off on  things they don't know.  I wish they 
would.  I'm tired of people  on news show and running for 
political office offering their opinions on  rape and what a woman 
should do about it.
The only individual  who should be able to make this choice is 
the woman who was raped.   End of story.
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