[acb-hsp] I Was Raped, and It Got Me Pregnnt

[J.Rayl]

Excellent article.

Jessie Rayl
thedogmom63 at frontier.com
www.facebook.com/Eaglewings10
www.pathtogrowth.org

  ----- Original Message ----- 
  From: Mmorrowfarrell at aol.com 
  To: acb-hsp at acb.org 
  Sent: Saturday, August 25, 2012 7:20 PM
  Subject: Re: [acb-hsp] I Was Raped, and It Got Me Pregnnt


  Thank you for sharing this.  Pretty much says it all! ~m. morrow-farrell, philly pa

  In a message dated 8/25/2012 6:50:18 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, paltschul at centurytel.net writes:
    I Was Raped, And It Got Me Pregnant -- What Akin and Other 
    Extremists Will Never Understand
      August 22, 2012
      At 19 years old, I became an unwilling expert on the topic of 
    rape.  I learned about rape's savagery and its psychological 
    trauma.
      Lately, we've been hearing from men who don't know much about 
    the subject at all.  On Monday, Senate candidate Rep.  Todd Akin, 
    R-Mo., created a stir when he said, "If it's a legitimate rape, 
    the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down." 
    But his casual, off-the-cuff ignorance is just the latest in a 
    long line of insults.  In March, Kansas Rep.  Pete DeGraf said, 
    "Women should plan ahead for rape the way he keeps a spare tire." 
    A few weeks after that Indiana state Rep.  Eric Turner said, 
    "Some women might fake being raped in order to get free 
    abortions." I can't stand by and watch these men who have no 
    personal experience with sexual assault pretend to know so much 
    about it.
      I do know about rape.  I received an education of the highest 
    degree, and now it's my turn to teach.
      My story begins during an overnight at my best friend's camp on 
    a lake in Central New York.  I rode to the camp with my best 
    friend and her husband, who was in the Navy and home on leave.
      When we got there, she told me I could have the best bedroom 
    upstairs since everyone else was sleeping on the first floor.  
    Feeling special, I unpacked my belongings in the secluded little 
    room at the end of the hall.  That night, I was the first to go 
    to bed.
      Sound asleep, I awoke in the middle of the night to the force 
    of a cold, calloused hand across my mouth.  It was my best 
    friend's husband.  He was a big guy, and I was frozen with fear 
    and intimidation; I could not move a muscle.
      Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion.  My eyes were 
    screaming at him: Why are you doing this to me? But my voice was 
    silent.  His hand clamped over my mouth had stopped the flow of 
    words.  I wondered what I had done to make this happen, to make 
    my best friendbs husband want to hurt me?
      Then I realized he wasn't alone.  I saw the second face in the 
    darkness -- another friend I had known all my life was now on top 
    of me.  The pain began shooting through my body as he tore off my 
    underwear.  It felt like everything stopped in that moment, 
    mentally and physically.  My breathing stopped.  The blood in my 
    veins stopped flowing.  I realize now that this was just the 
    beginning of what it is like to be raped.
      My old life was gone, over.  Now, I walked into darkness 
    shackled to a completely different existence, one I could never 
    have imagined.
      After that night, my mind turned against me.  Poisonous 
    thoughts seeped into every crevice and I had nightmares of 
    faceless strangers chasing me every night in my dreams.  I did 
    not trust anyone.  I blamed myself.  I believed that I would 
    never be able to cleanse the filth off my body.  I never pressed 
    charges, because at 19 years old (and this was 30 years ago), I 
    wasn't even sure if this was legally a crime, since I knew the 
    men who raped me.
      But just when I thought the horror couldn't escalate any 
    further, things got worse: My period never came.  At first, I 
    assumed it was due to the stress and anxiety, so I waited.  I 
    waited and waited, and fear swarmed in my mind.
      Eight weeks after I was raped, Planned Parenthood gave me the 
    confirmation: I was pregnant.  The woman who worked there tried 
    to tell me about my options, but I ran.  I threw up in the 
    parking lot.  I drove around for hours praying this was all a 
    dream.
      Any chance to remotely reclaim who I was disappeared in that 
    moment.  My whole worldview was challenged.  I'm a Catholic, and 
    I didn't understand: How could this happen to me?
      I was innocent.  I did nothing wrong.  But I was overwhelmed by 
    fear, guilt and shame.
      Just when I thought I might be able to push the ugliness of 
    this savage act out of my mind, I realized I would never be able 
    to escape.  It would not let me go.
      I was mentally, emotionally and spiritually broken, and the 
    thought of what had resulted from this vile act took my 
    self-hatred into another dimension.  I wanted no memory of that 
    night, would do anything possible to erase it in the hope that it 
    would somehow ease the sick, disgusting feeling I got every time 
    I looked in the mirror.  I realized that in order to maintain 
    what little sanity I had left, I had to terminate the pregnancy.
      Six months after the rape, I dropped out of college and 
    developed an eating disorder.  I collapsed into alcohol abuse and 
    had abusive relationships.
      It took me 12 years of trying to kill myself before I could 
    actually verbalize to a trusted counselor what happened to me.  I 
    spent the next eight years trying to reverse the damage that was 
    done.  Twenty years of serving time for a crime I didn't commit.
      Rep.  Akin and those who argue about "legitimate" rape, you 
    have no idea what you are talking about.  You don't know what it 
    is like to have your sacredness ripped away, ferociously taken 
    without your permission.  A pregnancy resulting from rape is a 
    reminder of violence, hatred and brutality forced upon your body.  
    And to tell a woman who has gone through the horror of being 
    raped -- which can and does, in fact, result in pregnancy -- that 
    she again does not have the power or control to decide what 
    happens to her body afterward is an outrage of epic proportions.
      I have learned to speak up about my experience, to never again 
    be silenced.  But unfortunately, I can't stop men who are not 
    experts from spouting off on things they don't know.  I wish they 
    would.  I'm tired of people on news show and running for 
    political office offering their opinions on rape and what a woman 
    should do about it.
      The only individual who should be able to make this choice is 
    the woman who was raped.  End of story.
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