[acb-hsp] I Was Raped, and It Got Me Pregnant

[Laura G.]

Hi,

Jessie, Darla, and anyone else who's contributed on this thread, thank 
you.  I'm glad to see this not go unnoticed as so often people are very 
uncomfortable discussing sexual violence.

I recently was part of a group who presented a training to disability 
services providers on sexual violence and people with disabilities.  One 
of the things that was mentioned in the training is that we, especially 
disabled women, are taught to be oh-so-polite.  I know growing up, I was 
censured verbally for saying anything that could be construed as rude.  
As I was pretty sensitive, this, for all intents and purposes, silenced 
me.  I didn't want to be the one to give any other person a bad 
experience they would then generalize to all blind people.  I've 
struggled against this imperative since moving to Chicago 2 years ago 
and have gotten better about standing up for myself and having a thicker 
skin.

But how do you politely tell people to take their hands off of you, even 
if they do mean well and are "just trying to help you find a seat."  
Being touched without permission is something I deal with constantly, 
and I shouldn't have to.  It has added to my vulnerability.  On a public 
transportation system where the buses and trains start moving as soon as 
the last person has entered the vehicle, I've let it slide too many 
times figuring it better than ending up on the floor or in someone's 
lap, despite my very good balance.

Does anyone have thoughts on this?  Does anyone not have a problem with 
this?  To the males, do you find that you experience this and that it 
does or doesn't bother you?

Thanks,
Laura



On 8/27/2012 6:52 AM, J.Rayl wrote:
> Hi.  Not only does the blind woman have problems with the identifying
> process, that is just the beginning of any process--if it even gets that
> far.  It is a humiliating, demoralizing process.  Everything she ever did,
> ever thought about doing is brought out against her and savagely used
> against her--sometimes for years.  She relives, and relives the rape
> experience over and over again ...in therapy, in the court room, and finally
> in the final trial--often for the offender to get a light slap on the wrist.
> And then, he comes out and torments her again, and again, and again.
> Meanwhile, she is rejected by family and so-called friends, she may lose her
> job, and is literally, more alone than ever ... for something she never
> asked for, never wanted, and was powerless to prevent.
> I know ...I've been there ...and I didn't report either the rape or the
> beating.  I knew the blind woman who beat me up, as did everyone else and
> somehow, she became the poor one while I became the condemned.  No one knows
> (but me) the rapist.
> And I never, ever, will forget (or probably entirely forgive) either of them
> or a system that failed me.
> If you're judging me now, you live with that because guess what? So do
> we--the victims.
>
> Jessie Rayl
> thedogmom63 at frontier.com
> www.facebook.com/Eaglewings10
> www.pathtogrowth.org
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Darla Rogers"<djrogers0628 at gmail.com>
> To: "'Discussion list for ACB human service professionals'"
> <acb-hsp at acb.org>
> Sent: Sunday, August 26, 2012 10:18 PM
> Subject: Re: [acb-hsp] I Was Raped, and It Got Me Pregnant
>
>
> This article made me cry; I have known many blind women who have told me of
> rape; many have never sought help because, believe it or not, it is even
> worse for a blind woman because the criminal justice system doesn't believe
> she could ever identify the rapist.
>
> There is a good book about a blind vendor in Wisconsin, I believe it was,
> who was raped, and because she lived on the edge a bit and more so because
> she was blind, she had to go through hell and back.
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: acb-hsp-bounces at acb.org [mailto:acb-hsp-bounces at acb.org] On Behalf Of
> peter altschul
> Sent: Saturday, August 25, 2012 5:54 PM
> To: Acbhsp
> Subject: [acb-hsp] I Was Raped, and It Got Me Pregnnt
>
> I Was Raped, And It Got Me Pregnant -- What Akin and Other Extremists Will
> Never Understand
>    August 22, 2012
>    At 19 years old, I became an unwilling expert on the topic of rape.  I
> learned about rape's savagery and its psychological trauma.
>    Lately, we've been hearing from men who don't know much about the subject
> at all.  On Monday, Senate candidate Rep.  Todd Akin, R-Mo., created a stir
> when he said, "If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to
> shut that whole thing down."
> But his casual, off-the-cuff ignorance is just the latest in a long line of
> insults.  In March, Kansas Rep.  Pete DeGraf said, "Women should plan ahead
> for rape the way he keeps a spare tire."
> A few weeks after that Indiana state Rep.  Eric Turner said, "Some women
> might fake being raped in order to get free abortions." I can't stand by and
> watch these men who have no personal experience with sexual assault pretend
> to know so much about it.
>    I do know about rape.  I received an education of the highest degree, and
> now it's my turn to teach.
>    My story begins during an overnight at my best friend's camp on a lake in
> Central New York.  I rode to the camp with my best friend and her husband,
> who was in the Navy and home on leave.
>    When we got there, she told me I could have the best bedroom upstairs
> since everyone else was sleeping on the first floor.
> Feeling special, I unpacked my belongings in the secluded little room at the
> end of the hall.  That night, I was the first to go to bed.
>    Sound asleep, I awoke in the middle of the night to the force of a cold,
> calloused hand across my mouth.  It was my best friend's husband.  He was a
> big guy, and I was frozen with fear and intimidation; I could not move a
> muscle.
>    Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion.  My eyes were screaming
> at him: Why are you doing this to me? But my voice was silent.  His hand
> clamped over my mouth had stopped the flow of words.  I wondered what I had
> done to make this happen, to make my best friendbs husband want to hurt me?
>    Then I realized he wasn't alone.  I saw the second face in the darkness --
> another friend I had known all my life was now on top of me.  The pain began
> shooting through my body as he tore off my underwear.  It felt like
> everything stopped in that moment, mentally and physically.  My breathing
> stopped.  The blood in my veins stopped flowing.  I realize now that this
> was just the beginning of what it is like to be raped.
>    My old life was gone, over.  Now, I walked into darkness shackled to a
> completely different existence, one I could never have imagined.
>    After that night, my mind turned against me.  Poisonous thoughts seeped
> into every crevice and I had nightmares of faceless strangers chasing me
> every night in my dreams.  I did not trust anyone.  I blamed myself.  I
> believed that I would never be able to cleanse the filth off my body.  I
> never pressed charges, because at 19 years old (and this was 30 years ago),
> I wasn't even sure if this was legally a crime, since I knew the men who
> raped me.
>    But just when I thought the horror couldn't escalate any further, things
> got worse: My period never came.  At first, I assumed it was due to the
> stress and anxiety, so I waited.  I waited and waited, and fear swarmed in
> my mind.
>    Eight weeks after I was raped, Planned Parenthood gave me the
> confirmation: I was pregnant.  The woman who worked there tried to tell me
> about my options, but I ran.  I threw up in the parking lot.  I drove around
> for hours praying this was all a dream.
>    Any chance to remotely reclaim who I was disappeared in that moment.  My
> whole worldview was challenged.  I'm a Catholic, and I didn't understand:
> How could this happen to me?
>    I was innocent.  I did nothing wrong.  But I was overwhelmed by fear,
> guilt and shame.
>    Just when I thought I might be able to push the ugliness of this savage
> act out of my mind, I realized I would never be able to escape.  It would
> not let me go.
>    I was mentally, emotionally and spiritually broken, and the thought of
> what had resulted from this vile act took my self-hatred into another
> dimension.  I wanted no memory of that night, would do anything possible to
> erase it in the hope that it would somehow ease the sick, disgusting feeling
> I got every time I looked in the mirror.  I realized that in order to
> maintain what little sanity I had left, I had to terminate the pregnancy.
>    Six months after the rape, I dropped out of college and developed an
> eating disorder.  I collapsed into alcohol abuse and had abusive
> relationships.
>    It took me 12 years of trying to kill myself before I could actually
> verbalize to a trusted counselor what happened to me.  I spent the next
> eight years trying to reverse the damage that was done.  Twenty years of
> serving time for a crime I didn't commit.
>    Rep.  Akin and those who argue about "legitimate" rape, you have no idea
> what you are talking about.  You don't know what it is like to have your
> sacredness ripped away, ferociously taken without your permission.  A
> pregnancy resulting from rape is a reminder of violence, hatred and
> brutality forced upon your body.
> And to tell a woman who has gone through the horror of being raped -- which
> can and does, in fact, result in pregnancy -- that she again does not have
> the power or control to decide what happens to her body afterward is an
> outrage of epic proportions.
>    I have learned to speak up about my experience, to never again be
> silenced.  But unfortunately, I can't stop men who are not experts from
> spouting off on things they don't know.  I wish they would.  I'm tired of
> people on news show and running for political office offering their opinions
> on rape and what a woman should do about it.
>    The only individual who should be able to make this choice is the woman
> who was raped.  End of story.
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