[acb-hsp] Turn Off the Phone (and the Tension) By JENNA WORTHAM

[Claude Everett]

August 25, 2012
Turn Off the Phone (and the Tension) By JENNA WORTHAM
ONE recent sweltering afternoon, a friend and I trekked to a new public
pool, armed with books, sunglasses and icy drinks, planning to beat the heat
with a swim. But upon our arrival, we had an unwelcome surprise: no
cellphones were allowed in the pool area. 

The ban threw me into a tailspin. I lingered by the locker where I had
stashed my phone, wondering what messages, photos and updates I might
already be missing. 

After walking to the side of the pool and reluctantly stretching out on a
towel by the water, my hands ached for my phone. I longed to upload details
and pictures of my leisurely afternoon, and to skim through my various
social networks to see how other friends were spending the weekend. Mostly,
however, I wanted to make sure that there wasn't some barbecue or summer
music festival that we should be heading to instead. 

Eventually, the anxiety passed. I started to see my lack of a digital
connection as a reprieve. Lounging in the sun and chatting with a friend
without the intrusion of texts and alerts into our lives felt positively
luxurious. That night, I even switched off my phone while mingling at a
house party, content to be in one place for the evening and not distracted
by any indecision about whether another party posted online looked better. 

My revelation - relearning the beauty of living in the moment, devoid of any
digital link - may seem silly to people who are less attached to their
devices. But for many people, smartphones and social networks have become
lifelines - appendages that they are rarely without. As such, they can sway
our moods, decisions and feelings. 

One side effect of living an always-on digital life is the tension, along
with the thrill, that can arise from being able to peep into people's worlds
at any moment and comparing their lives with yours. This tension may be
inevitable at times, but it's not inescapable. It's possible to move beyond
the angst that social media can provoke - and to be glad that we've done so.


Anil Dash, a writer and entrepreneur, called this phenomenon the "Joy of
Missing Out," or JOMO, in a recent blog post. 

"There can be, and should be, a blissful, serene enjoyment in knowing, and
celebrating, that there are folks out there having the time of their life at
something that you might have loved to, but are simply skipping," he wrote. 

JOMO is the counterpoint to FOMO, or the "fear of missing out," a term
popularized last year by Caterina Fake, an entrepreneur and one of the
founders of Flickr, the photo-sharing Web site. 

"Social media has made us even more aware of the things we are missing out
on," she wrote in a blog post. "You're home alone, but watching your
friends' status updates tell of a great party happening somewhere." 

It may be that many people are in a kind of adolescence with social media
and technology, still adjusting to the role that their new devices play in
their lives. One day, the relationship may be less fraught. 

The influence that technology can wield over our lives may lessen with time
- as we grow accustomed to our devices and as the people who use them
mature. In Mr. Dash's case, the birth of his son, Malcolm, an adorable
toddler who knows how to moonwalk, curbed his appetite for a hyperactive
social life. 

"I've been to amazing events," Mr. Dash said. "I still am fortunate enough
to get to attend moments and celebrations that are an incredible privilege
to witness. But increasingly, my default answer to invitations is 'no.' " 

Social media sites, which ask you where you are, what you are doing and whom
you are with, can cause people to exaggerate or feel the need to brag about
their daily lives, said Sophia Dembling, the author of the coming book "The
Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World." 

"There is a lot of pressure in our culture to be an extrovert," Ms. Dembling
said. The trick to managing that, she said, is self-awareness. It's crucial,
she said, to remember that most people tend to post about the juiciest bits
of their lives - the lavish vacations, the clambakes and the parties - and
not about the trip to the dentist or the time the cat threw up on the rug. 

"I have to remind myself that what I enjoy doing," like spending time alone
and reading, "is not what they enjoy doing," she said. Those moments, while
valuable in their own right, can be trickier to catch artfully on camera. 

JOSHUA GROSS, a developer living in the Dumbo neighborhood of Brooklyn, says
he thinks that as a modern society, we are "overcommunicated." There is
simply too much information flowing across our devices at any moment, he
said in a blog post. 

A lot of the real-time information on the Web "isn't stuff you need to act
on right away," he said in an interview. "And instead of one source vying
for your attention, there are hundreds. It becomes too much for a person to
handle, and it's only going to get worse." 

"There's no rhythm to the way we get information right now," he said. "You
never know when you're going to get a buzz. If we develop a rhythm to the
way we get information, we'll know what we're getting and when." 

Mr. Gross is among those working on solutions to the problem by creating
services - including an application allowing users to save content from
around the Web - that help stanch the flow of data that is streaming in at
any moment. 

Heavy users of social media can also adopt coping mechanisms - similar to
training oneself to eat healthily - said Wilhelm Hofmann, an assistant
professor who studies behavioral science at the University of Chicago Booth
School of Business. "It's a problem of self-control," he said. 

For those of us who don't have a cute tot to help distract us from the siren
call of social media, as Mr. Dash does, Mr. Hofmann recommends setting up a
kind of screen diet, building in a period each day to go screenless, either
by going for a run and leaving your phone at home, or by stashing it in a
drawer during dinner or while hanging out with friends. 

"Ask yourself: How important is this, really? How happy does it actually
make you?" he said. "Harness that feeling of pride when you do resist and
stick to it." 

That day at the pool, when I was forced to part with my device, reminded me
of the charm of a life less connected - one that doesn't need to be
photographed or recorded, or compared with anyone else's. 



    
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Regards,
Claude Everett
"The American fascist would prefer not to use violence. His method is to
poison the channels of public information. With a fascist the problem is
never how best to present the truth to the public but how best to use the
news to deceive the public into giving the fascist and his group more money
or more power."
 Henry Wallace
U. S. Vice President, 1888 - 1965