[acb-hsp] Work Life Balance Is a Myth

[peter altschul]

FC Expert Blog
  Work Life Balance Is A Myth; Here's What You Can Do About It
  BY FC Expert Blogger Craig Chappelow Jan 22, 2012
  This blog is written by a member of our expert blogging 
community and expresses that expert's views alone.
  When I ask busy executives to describe a satisfying life, they 
often envision a scenario in which they work hard but dictate 
their own assignments.  They want time to take part in important 
family events.  They are eager to make real contributions to 
their organizations, and they also want breaks when they're 
tired.  What they really need is control.  But, frequently, what 
they think they want is balance--and that's where trouble starts.
  Here's what I tell them: work-life balance is a myth.  That 
myth compels many of us to view an ideal life as a set of 
perfectly level scales.  On the tray on one side is your personal 
life.  On the other side is your work life.  With heroic efforts, 
you can keep both trays exactly level.  If one starts to tip too 
far, you make some kind of nifty move that balances them again.
  In reality, that perfect balance almost never occurs, except 
for those rare, fleeting moments when the trays pass each other 
on the way up or down--and we're too frazzled to appreciate that 
brief moment of self-actualization anyway.
  There's always a lot of chatter in the media about the latest 
trends in work-life balance.  As recently as last month, Reuters 
published a piece about Volkswagen agreeing to deactivate the 
BlackBerrys of German staff members when their shifts are over, 
so they can really go off the clock.  Having followed articles 
like these for years, as well as through reflecting on 
conversations with clients and colleagues, I've noticed a couple 
trends of my own.  First, when it comes to work-life balance, we 
often adopt a victim mind-set.  Our lives are out of balance not 
through our own fault but because of something someone else--a 
preoccupied spouse, nasty boss, or needy kid--is doing, or not 
doing.  Second, we want to believe there's a quick fix that we're 
somehow overlooking.  Among those supposed fixes:



Working from home gives you the best of both worlds: A decade or 
so ago, when my three boys were very young, I ran across one of 
those "you can have it all" articles that was accompanied by a 
laughable photo.  A clean-cut, preppy guy sat in his home office 
in rays of sunlight, sipping coffee and joyfully pecking away at 
his laptop as he balanced a toddler on his knee.  I had attempted 
a similar trick, under pressing deadlines, on numerous occasions.  
What did I learn? Doing what that guy in the photo was doing is 
impossible for more than a few minutes at a time.  The only thing 
we had in common was a love of coffee, which would quickly be 
spilled on the laptop by my toddler.
  You can save yourself a ton of hassle by learning to say no: I 
tried this once back in junior high, when I took out the trash 
and mowed the grass at a cafeteria.  The owner wanted me to do 
additional work in the kitchen, but I told him, no, I liked 
working outside more.  The very next day he had me on a ladder 
with a paint scraper--and there I stayed for two miserable 
months.  Lesson learned: don't say no if you don't have any 
leverage.
  Getting more help around the house makes it all better: There's 
definitely something to be said for having someone clean the 
house or mow the lawn.  In theory, it gives people more time to 
do what they want to do.  In practice, however, what I've seen is 
that people often invest that free time in doing more work.  And 
that points to another faulty assumption in the work-life 
debates--that everybody wants more time away from work.  In fact, 
some people--and I've met many of them throughout two decades of 
working closely with leaders--don't really want balance.  Their 
identity is rooted in work, and that's where they want to be.  
Outside of work, in the complex dance of family and community 
responsibilities, they lose their autonomy.  Their professional 
expertise doesn't mean much.  They no longer have control.
  And control, in my view, is what we're really trying to get to 
with all the chatter about balance.  We need better ways to 
manage work-life boundaries, understanding that we are subject to 
phases, often dictated by events out of our control, in which our 
work lives and personal lives ebb and flow in their demands.  The 
more we assume actual leadership of our own lives, instead of 
waiting for someone else to do it for us, the better prepared we 
are to deal with this unending juggle.  Here are a few ideas for 
getting started:



Shore up the home front: A lot of stress in our lives, the kind 
that throws us way off balance, starts with relationship problems 
at home.  Work on them.  Get counseling, talk to your spouse and 
kids.  If returning to your family after a day of work fills you 
with angst, that's a situation only you can repair.  Take 
ownership of the problem, and you'll feel better for it.
  Quit complaining: If you feel overworked to the point that you 
complain about it constantly, how do you think everyone around 
you feels about it? It's trendy in many companies to run around 
with multiple, flashing digital devices strapped to our belts or 
spread out on the table, just so everyone can see how 
unbelievably busy and important we are.  Reinvest that energy in 
reframing your career possibilities.
  Say "no" strategically: The best time to take control of a job 
is before you accept it.  Once you accept it, your negotiating 
power plummets.  So set some ground rules.  Be clear on how your 
performance will be measured.  Test the waters.  Does everyone in 
this organization work constantly? If so, don't be surprised when 
that happens to you a few months later.  If your boss loads you 
up with one more task, try to get an old one off your plate.
  Forget about the even scales.  It's a really bad analogy.  Take 
control instead.
  Craig Chappelow, who specializes in 360-457ree feedback and the 
development of effective senior executive teams, is a portfolio 
manager at the Center for Creative Leadership (wwwddcclddorg a 
top-ranked, global provider of leadership education and research.
  Copyright B) 2012 Mansueto Ventures LLC.  All rights reserved.