[acb-hsp] Hate Small Talk?

Tue Jul 31 19:10:06 EDT 2012

Peter,
Thanks for sharing this informative article.
Kenneth Semien, Sr.

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "peter altschul" <paltschul at centurytel.net>
To: "Acbhsp" <acb-hsp at acb.org>
Sent: Saturday, July 28, 2012 8:17 AM
Subject: [acb-hsp] Hate Small Talk?

> Expert Perspective
> Hate Small Talk? These 5 Questions Will Help You Work Any Room
>  BY Allison Graham 07-27-2012 8:00 AM
>  This article is written by a member of our expert contributor 
> community.  Do you love going to events, but find yourself 
> stranded during happy hour, tongue-tied and tucked in a corner? 
> Initiating and maintaining conversations while networking is a 
> necessary skill, and one you can easily improve with these simple 
> tips.
>  Mastering small talk will help you find common ground to create 
> a mini-bond with new contacts.  Small talk may feel trite and 
> unimportant, but it's the small talk that leads to the big talk.
>  Ideally small talk will uncover common interests, business 
> alignments, the six degrees that separate you, potential need for 
> your product or service, and basically whether or not you enjoy 
> each other's company.  The goal is not to become best friends or 
> a new client on the spot.  Although it's nice when those instant 
> connections happen, usually that's not the case.
>  The goal of conversation at functions is to establish enough 
> common ground to determine a reason to connect again.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Getting To Hello...And Beyond
>  Tongue-tied and standing in a corner? Use these easy tips for 
> working a room.
>  When looking for a conversation partner in a crowded room, 
> there are three likely scnarioes that make it easy to initiate 
> dialogue:
>  --Fun, inviting groups
>  --White-knuckled loners who look uncomfortable and will welcome 
> your attempt to initiate dialogue
>  --Familiar faces
>  Questions to get the conversations flowing:
>  "What's your connection to the event?" This question can 
> uncover mutual contacts and usually leads to a more robust answer 
> than if you asked the typical "Have you been to this event 
> before?"
>  "What's keeping you busy when you're not at events like this or 
> at work?" This question gives the encouragement necessary for the 
> person to share his/her passions and outside interests.  It is an 
> excellent way to add some enthusiasm into a conversation that has 
> hit a lull, especially if he/she would prefer to be doing that 
> activity at that moment.
>  "Are you getting away this summer?" This question can lead to 
> conversations about family, reveal special interests and, if you 
> like talking about travel, it's a sure-fire way to keep a 
> conversation interesting.
>  "Are you working on any charity initiatives?" This question 
> makes it easy to launch into a deeper connection.  If they're not 
> involved with any projects, they often share reasons which is 
> usually revealing, and if they are doing something of value they 
> will be more than happy to share.
>  "How did you come to be in your line of work?" For some, the 
> path to where they are today can be quite an interesting ordeal.  
> Having a chance to revisit their story to success can leave 
> helpful clues along the way as to who they are and what makes 
> them tick.
>  Keeping a conversation rolling is simple when you learn to 
> listen and ask appropriate probing questions that naturally grow 
> from the dialogue.  You only need to prepare a couple of 
> questions in advance.  If there is a genuine connection then you 
> can proactively engage in conversation.
>  When a person doesn't participate actively in a conversation 
> with you, that's a red flag to say to yourself, "Okay, this is 
> not one of my quality contacts, it's time to move on and meet 
> someone else."
>  Ultimately, the decision each person has to make during this 
> initial contact is whether or not there is enough connection to 
> warrant future interaction.  It's during these small 
> conversations that people form their opinions about whether they 
> like you, trust you, and believe you're competent.
>  Actual business talk is quite limited at functions.  Learning 
> what people do and perhaps about some of their big developments 
> or projects is about the extent of the business talk expected.  
> Deeper connections are formed through finding common ground that 
> is not work related.
>  There is a balance between too much and too little business 
> talk.  If you don't talk business at all you may miss an 
> opportunity to communicate who you are, what you do, and what you 
> have to offer and that you are competent in your field.  There 
> are some people who you can know for years and never hear them 
> talk about work.  You just assume they are retired or not 
> interested in more clients.
>  However, if you talk about your work too much you run the risk 
> of boring others.  Too much "shoptalk" can easily put a damper on 
> an evening.  Watch for cues from your conversation partners.  How 
> are they responding to the conversation with you? Are they 
> engaged? Are they obviously looking for a new conversation 
> partner? Are they listening to and understanding what you are 
> saying? Are you giving them more information than they expect, 
> want, or need? Are you monopolizing the conversation and not 
> giving others a chance to share ideas or ask questions?
>  Match the depth of dialogue to the environment.
>  You don't want to let people overhear confidential or 
> inappropriate information.  Plus, talk that is too deep at 
> business functions can lead to heated conversations.  New 
> contacts could be put on edge.  Over-heated conversations can 
> quickly be subdued by simply making a closing agreeable statement 
> that offers little room for a rhetorical comment.  This tactic 
> will diffuse the situation quickly and without incident.
>  For example, say with a smile, "Well, that's one issue we're 
> not going to solve tonight," or simply close the conversation 
> with "I certainly understand your perspective," minus the "but" 
> that is sitting on the tip of your tongue.
>  You won't win points for always having to be right.  You may 
> win the debate while making someone else look bad, but in the 
> end, you'll make yourself look worse.  You will, however, win 
> points for having social graces if you are the bigger person and 
> cool potentially fiery situations.
>  You have to know when to let go and kill the discussion even if 
> you believe you are correct on the issue.  In the grand scheme of 
> things, we must value the opinions of others and accept that it 
> is not important to win every debate.  The last thing you want to 
> do is to appear as the know-it-all who must end conversations as 
> the perceived winner.
>  Your words may be forgotten, but how you make people feel will 
> be remembered.
>  When it comes to small talk, don't think you must say something 
> strikingly intelligent each time you speak.  Your words may be 
> forgotten, but how you make people feel will be remembered.
>  No doubt small talk can get a little dull after a while.  So, 
> take it upon yourself to make it interesting.  To prepare for 
> conversations, choose your five favorite safe topics.  These will 
> make it easy for you to swing an otherwise stale conversation 
> into one that makes you a genuinely enthusiastic 
> conversationalist.
>  Have you ever been in a conversation that just wasn't clicking, 
> then suddenly the mood changes and you both have a smile on your 
> face as the conversation starts firing on all cylinders? That's 
> because you found common ground.  It occurs when two people have 
> an interest in the same topic.
>  By determining in advance what interests you, half of the 
> equation for stimulating conversation is complete.  Now your job 
> is to guide the conversation from topic to topic until you solve 
> the other important half of the equation: What's of interest to 
> your new contact?
>  Finally, it's about your attitude.
>  I must admit, after attending hundreds of events and 
> interacting with thousands of people, there are times when I feel 
> small talk is simply a dreaded requirement.  I'm writing this so 
> you know that I completely understand if you're reading this and 
> thinking, "I don't care about all this superficial conversation."
>  When I get in those moods, I remind myself that the person I'm 
> meeting has the potential to be my next big client or a newfound 
> friend.  If those thoughts don't shift my attitude, I'll set a 
> personal challenge to create a super-duper fantastic conversation 
> with a new contact.  For some reason, this additional challenge 
> seems to inspire me to get enthusiasm back into the small talk.  
> If that doesn't work, I just remind myself that the person I'm 
> talking with deserves my respect.
>  The real key to great conversations is to relax.  Let the 
> conversation flow naturally.  That's easiest to do when you're 
> fully engaged and genuinely interested in the conversation topic 
> and the person with whom you are talking.
>  Reprinted by permission of the publisher, John Wiley and Sons 
> Canada, Ltd., from From Business Cards to Business Relationships: 
> Personal Branding and Profitable Networking Made Easy, 2nd 
> Edition by Allison Graham.  Copyright B) 2012 by Allison Graham.
>  Allison Graham is a corporate trainer and keynote speaker 
> specializing in effective networking and business development 
> strategies for professional service providers and small business 
> entrepreneurs.
>  Copyright B) 2012 Mansueto Ventures LLC.  All rights reserved.
> _______________________________________________
> acb-hsp mailing list
> acb-hsp at acb.org
> http://www.acb.org/mailman/listinfo/acb-hsp