[acb-hsp] Can You Overdose on AA?

[peter altschul]

Can You Overdose On Alcoholics Anonymous?
  The Fix still By Kristen McGuiness September 2, 2012



Though Bill was a successful lawyer with offices across the 
country bearing his name, he finally had to concede that there 
was something about his life that didn't spell success: his 
drinking.  At the age of 52, he came into the program of 
Alcoholics Anonymous and went after it with the same zeal he had 
applied to his business life.  Not too long after, he began to 
feel burned out.
  As he explains, "I'm not saying this recovery thing isn't for 
real-it's a profound change in living-but I do feel that I've 
come to a love-hate affair with AA.  In my first year, I did 
about a dozen meetings a week and after a while, I just began to 
feel like I was hearing the same things.  I think a lot of that 
worked when AA started and was this low-bottom group of drunks 
but life has evolved and AA really hasn't."
  This type of disillusionment can be common for people getting 
sober, in and out of the 12-step programs.  As addiction 
psychologist and researcher Dr.  Adi Jaffe explains, "Like with 
anything else in life, people can get burned out.
  Devout 12-step followers may disagree but going to so many 
meetings in a short period of time can lead to a certain leveling 
off in their commitment." Jaffe adds that he had a client "who 
was going to multiple meetings every day and was relapsing but 
when she broadened what she was doing-incorporating therapy and 
other healthy behavioral choices-she seemed to have more positive 
outcomes and has remained sober since."
  Dr.  Jaffe continues, "Alcoholics Anonymous loves to use the 
Einstein quote, `Insanity is doing the same thing over and over 
and expecting different results` but the irony is that that same 
principle can be applied to AA."
  Despite his many meetings, Bill found that it was difficult to 
find a sponsor in the traditional sense so he asked his therapist 
to help him to balance out his initial over-commitment to AA.  "I 
have a wonderful therapist, who has 12 years in recovery herself 
and works with those dealing with addictive disorders," he 
explains.  "We have worked through a program which would be like 
the steps but which spoke to my own circumstances.  And in that, 
I began to see that I didn't have to be defined by the group.  I 
could do AA like a gentleman."
  Bryan, a 42-year-old electrician with thick brown hair and 
hazel eyes, understands that "after having spent the first 10 
years of his sobriety hanging out in AA and not doing much else.  
When his girlfriend got pregnant with their first child, he had 
to look at where he had become overdeveloped in AA and less 
developed in other areas of his life.  As he explains, "I was out 
there drinking and using for almost 15 years so when I came into 
the rooms, I was just swept off my feet by the group.  Finding a 
job or getting help with therapy or some of my outside issues was 
hard.  But AA was easy."
  Los Angeles-based family and addiction therapist Melody 
Anderson has seen people focus on one aspect of their recovery 
when they are not willing to go to deeper.
  "And sometimes that's okay," she says.  "Even when you come out 
of surgery, part of recovery is resting and taking it easy.  But 
then after a while, you have to ask yourself, `Am I doing more in 
AA than I'm doing in my own life or am I coming to a place where 
I am avoiding reaching beyond AA because I am not willing to do 
that self-examining work?`"
  When Bryan got to the point where there was a baby on the way 
and he felt like all he did was AA, he realized that he had to do 
a lot more.  "Over a period of time, you start hearing yourself 
sharing about the same things over and over and you start 
watching yourself and realizing that a lot hasn't changed that 
needs to change," he says.  "When I decided to focus on having a 
career instead of going to a meeting every day, I began to 
realize that I could still carry the message outside of the 
rooms.  My recovery doesn't have to stop at the door of AA."
  As Dr.  Jaffe explains, "No matter what rut someone is stuck 
in, it might be time to shake things up.  They need to look at 
the different treatment methods, whether they should be seeing a 
private therapist or whether they want to try another type of 
support group, either in 12-step or in any number of other 
places, such as SMART Recovery, Rational Recovery, SOS-which is a 
secular organization-or LifeRing.  There's outpatient treatment 
and medication.  The only way you can fail at recovery is if you 
stop trying." Melody Anderson agrees, offering, "You have to look 
at what other things you can be doing to bridge yourself back to 
livingblike balancing the meetings with some other activities, 
like sports or listening to music or finding your passions."
  Thirty-two year-old Maya's burnout came about when she found 
herself saying yes to everyone who asked her to be her sponsor 
and suddenly became overwhelmed.  As she reports, "I was single 
during that time and it seemed that every time I prayed for a 
boyfriend, I got a new sponsee.  I prayed for a boyfriend a lot 
so I ended up with 12 of them, all within their first six months 
of sobriety.  It didn't take long before I felt like that was all 
I was doing.  I felt like the woman with 12 cats."
  Anderson explains that while service and a great deal of 
meeting attendance isn't always a bad thing, it can sometimes be 
a substitute for living onebs own life.  "People can have any 
number of sponsees," she says.  "And for those who aren't working 
or are retired, it can help give them structure and meaning to 
their free time.  But if you find that you're not taking care of 
yourself, not exercising or being able to enjoy your free time, 
then you might want to look at whether you're sponsoring 
addictively.  Whenever you're not taking care of yourself, you 
are doing something addictively."
  After a while, Maya began to realize that she wasn't going to 
meet anyone if all of her free time was spent doing step work.  
"I think I came in and heard that service was the answer and I 
got kind of dogmatic about it," she admits.  "I thought, I'll get 
a guy if I just show God how much service I can do.  I was still 
doing everything intensely in my life and I had to see that it 
was really all about balance." Melody adds, "The spiritual piece 
of service is also about knowing that there are only 24 hours in 
each day.  It's not about how many sponsees you can get or how 
many HandI meetings you can attend.  If we can't help everyone 
with what they need (and that includes us), we are cheating 
ourselves and other people."
  Bill agrees, having seen way too many people bdrink the 
Kool-Aidb without asking if it's good for them.  He says, "I 
believe it's about thinking in terms of a different paradigm.  
Life is about finding balance between ego and self-esteem.
  We hear [in AA] about conquering ego but the way I understand 
it, it's not about squashing ego but rather finding balance 
between that and having some respect for who you are, for the 
person underneath the suit.  You have the ability and the duty to 
yourself to think and to find the paradigm that works for you." 
He continues, "Though we all might have the same disease, this 
dogma of humility sometimes gets overdone in the rooms.  All that 
stuff about the evils of `terminal uniqueness` and such.  There 
is, in fact, a measure of validity to this process, but there is 
nothing wrong with deciding what circle of friends meet our needs 
and we, theirs."
  Dr.  Jaffe adds that the 12 steps are not the only way to do 
that: "Just going to the meetings will give you some benefit and 
engaging in the program itself gives you additional benefits but 
that doesn't mean any one program is necessarily for you," he 
says.  "Different programs give you different things.  And there 
are different kinds of addicts.  Though finding the same solution 
for all of them would be great, I don't think were going to get 
there anytime soon." And maybe it's best that way.