[acb-hsp] Don't Worry; Be Unhapfy

[peter altschul]

Don't Worry; Be Unhappy
  Bob Goldman
  If you think that all you need to be happy at a job is to have 
a job, you're right.  In this economy, the 
paycheck-equals-happiness equation is 100 percent correct, 
especially if you are an unfeeling, insensitive, unenlightened 
boob.
  But you're a deeply feeling, highly sensitive, totally 
enlightened boob, so it's different.  You have to be happy when 
you're at your job in order to be happy when you're not at your 
job.
  Face it -- you're deep! Fortunately, there is news you can feel 
happy about.  Dr.  Srikumar S.  Rao has published a new book, 
titled "Happiness At Work.  Be Resilient, Motivated and 
Successful -- No Matter What." You know Dr.  Rao, of course.  He 
is famous for "challenging the notion that work and misery go 
hand in hand." At least, his PR man believes this is what he 
does.  All I know for sure is that anyone who thinks work and 
misery do not go hand in hand has never spent time at your 
office.
  But maybe I'm jumping to conclusions here.  Maybe a delicate 
flower like yourself could be happy at work if only someone would 
tell you how.  Surprise! That's exactly what Dr.  Rao has done.  
So, hold on! The happiness express is leaving the station.
  Happiness generator #1 is to "start focusing on the process, 
rather than the outcome." In other words, just because your 
incompetence and sloth have driven your company to the edge of 
bankruptcy, don't let it get you down.  Explain to your managers 
that even if your major, mission-critical project fails, the 
process that led to this failure was a total success.  According 
to Dr.  Rao, you must "accept the outcome, whatever it is, as 
joyfully as you can." And you can be sure your manager will be 
joyful, too, as she calls security to carry your boxes and your 
body out into the street.  See what I mean -- happiness is 
contagious.
  "Stop labeling events as 'Good' or 'Bad1'" is another Srikumar 
S.  Rao prescription for happiness.  He also suggests that you do 
not spend time and energy trying to convince yourself, or your 
bosses, to "think positive." Instead, ask yourself "what if no 
'bad thing' happens to you because you refuse to use that label?" 
The answer is: "you no longer have to put a positive spin on 
whatever life gives you."
  This is true.  If your boss gives you a bad performance review 
because sales are down 50 percent, and the stock price is down 75 
percent, and it really is your fault 100 percent, don't try to 
spin it.  Instead, simply say, "Boss, I no longer use labels." 
[Don't be surprised if your boss' initial response actually 
includes a few labels, such as "idiot," "imbecile" and 
"worthless, useless, brainless moron I never should have hired in 
the first place." Just smile serenely and let your inner 
happiness radiate.  The boss will get the message.
  And your health insurance will more than likely cover your 
visit to the emergency room, if you can get there before the 
company cancels your policy.] "Realize that you are playing a 
role" is one of the most insightful of Dr.  Rao's suggestions.  
At work, some play the role of CEO.  Others play the roll of 
intern.
  You play dead.  Whatever your part in the farce that is your 
job, remember "you can set yourself free by recognizing that 
you're merely playing a role that you have identified with and 
shift your focus to who you really are." Of course, there could 
be a small problem if you've played the downtrodden worker role 
so long that you've forgotten who you really are.  Fortunately, 
your manager will be more than willing to remind you who you 
really are -- a person who has just been fired.  If so, roll out 
the red carpet.  Unemployed loser living in a refrigerator box 
under the freeway is a role in which you can truly star.
  Chances are, you are already feeling much happier in your work, 
which may be enough for you, but not for Dr.  Rao.  He will not 
be happy until he returns you to "the halcyon days of your youth 
when you thought McDonald's was a four-star restaurant," and "you 
preferred nickels to dimes because they were bigger." Frankly, it 
will not be easy to convince you that McDonald's is a four-star 
restaurant, not after you've experienced Buffalo Wing Wednesday 
at the Smorgy Bob, but I can certainly understand why you prefer 
nickels.  They're what you get when you cash your paycheck.
  Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 
company, but he finally wised up and opened Bob Goldman Financial 
Planning in Sausalito, California.