[acb-hsp] Five Top Regrets at End of Life

[peter altschul]

5 Top Regrets People Have At the End of Their Lives
  Susie Steiner February 15,
  There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps.  A palliative 
nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has 
revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives.  
And among the top, from men in particular, is 'I wish I hadn't 
worked so hard'.
  Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years 
working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 
weeks of their lives.  She recorded their dying epiphanies in a 
blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much 
attention that she put her observations into a book called The 
Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
  Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people 
gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their 
wisdom.  "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything 
they would do differently," she says, "common themes surfaced 
again and again." Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as 
witnessed by Ware:
  *1.  I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, 
not the life others expected of meddinin
  "This was the most common regret of all.  When people realise 
that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is 
easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled.  Most people 
had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die 
knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.  
Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer 
have it."
  *2.  I wish I hadn't worked so hardddinin
  "This came from every male patient that I nursed.  They missed 
their children's youth and their partner's companionship.  Women 
also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older 
generation, many of the female patients had not been 
breadwinners.  All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending 
so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."
  *3.  I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelingsddinin
  "Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace 
with others.  As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence 
and never became who they were truly capable of becoming.  Many 
developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment 
they carried as a result."
  *4.  I wish I had stayed in touch with my friendsddinin
  "Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old 
friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to 
track them down.  Many had become so caught up in their own lives 
that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years.  
There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the 
time and effort that they deserved.  Everyone misses their 
friends when they are dying."
  *5.  I wish that I had let myself be happierddinin
  "This is a surprisingly common one.  Many did not realise until 
the end that happiness is a choice.  They had stayed stuck in old 
patterns and habits.  The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity 
overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives.  
Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their 
selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to 
laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."